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Why Our Needs Are Important

  • human unconscious evaluates the world and tells us whether it's dangerous or safe.

  • the unconscious facilitates emotions and thoughts to help us appropriately to our environment.

  • this is where our needs emerge.

  • There are many needs that come up; which motivate our behavior.

  • What drives your mom? Your boss? Your spouse?

  • These drivers are designed to meet the 30 universal needs we all experience.

  • When he asked experts about why needs exist, the expert said, "it's our life force."

  • That was backed up by clinical research about neuroscience that Larry C. Rosen reviewed; oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, etc.

  • In relationships, humans cause hurts because of their own unmet needs. For example, a need for understanding can come out through hurtful action. "I did X to have you understand what it feels like to feel [pain, betrayal, confusion, disrespect]." This is actually an action that was rooted in the need for connection. "Do you see me now? Do you understand my pain?"

  • The Ted Talk gives a great example of a conversation in divorce mediation.

  • We can use needs as a guidepost to reveal hidden motivations and unspoken needs.

  • Understanding is not condoning the behavior; it's to identify the need, understand it, and meet the need in a healthy way.

  • Solutions come from understanding

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© 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: Email: Phone: +1.505-244-4041


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