human unconscious evaluates the world and tells us whether it's dangerous or safe.
the unconscious facilitates emotions and thoughts to help us appropriately to our environment.
this is where our needs emerge.
There are many needs that come up; which motivate our behavior.
What drives your mom? Your boss? Your spouse?
These drivers are designed to meet the 30 universal needs we all experience.
When he asked experts about why needs exist, the expert said, "it's our life force."
That was backed up by clinical research about neuroscience that Larry C. Rosen reviewed; oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, etc.
In relationships, humans cause hurts because of their own unmet needs. For example, a need for understanding can come out through hurtful action. "I did X to have you understand what it feels like to feel [pain, betrayal, confusion, disrespect]." This is actually an action that was rooted in the need for connection. "Do you see me now? Do you understand my pain?"
The Ted Talk gives a great example of a conversation in divorce mediation.
We can use needs as a guidepost to reveal hidden motivations and unspoken needs.
Understanding is not condoning the behavior; it's to identify the need, understand it, and meet the need in a healthy way.
Solutions come from understanding
© 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org Phone: +1.505-244-4041