Nedra Tawwab is a truly phenomenal therapist, philanthropist, and expert in the mental health field. It was so exciting to hear her thoughts on love and relationships. I highly suggest watching and following her on Instagram. I jotted some key takeaways below that may help you right now!
Paraphrasing a powerful metaphor: “Life without boundaries is like navigating an intersection with broken traffic lights.” Imagine standing at a busy four-way intersection with no signals to guide the flow of traffic. Cars inch forward, people panic, and everyone wonders, “What do we do now?” Crossing that intersection would feel chaotic and unsafe.
Boundaries act like traffic lights—they provide structure, clarity, and safety in our relationships. Without them, misunderstandings and conflicts are bound to arise. When we establish and honor boundaries, we create a smoother path for connection and understanding.
Healing Within Relationships and Individually
Healing relational issues can happen in two ways:
1. In the relationship itself—by communicating, setting boundaries, and learning to meet each other’s needs.
2. Individually—through self-reflection, growth, and addressing the pain we carry.
Both paths require courage, awareness, and a willingness to rewrite old stories.
The Opportunity in Opposing Love Languages
When love languages clash, it can feel frustrating—but it’s also an opportunity for growth. Imagine your child has a love language different from yours. Would you dismiss their needs, or would you work to understand and meet them?
Why, then, is it easier to overlook or minimize our partner’s love language? Relationships thrive when we stretch beyond our comfort zones to show love in ways that resonate with the other person.
Trauma, Awareness, and Functionality
Recognizing that something feels “off” after experiencing trauma is the first step toward healing. However, there are times when pretending to be okay is functional—it allows us to survive when we’re not yet ready to process what happened.
Healing happens when we shift from merely surviving to consciously rewriting our story. It’s not about forgetting the trauma or never getting triggered—it’s about decreasing the trauma’s hold on us through healthier, intentional actions.
Why Set Boundaries?
Setting boundaries can feel daunting, but avoiding the conversation often creates more harm in the long run. Pretending we don’t mind things that make us uncomfortable or denying our authentic selves takes a toll.
As hard as it is to set boundaries, it’s often even harder to suppress our feelings over and over again. Having the conversation may be challenging, but it’s the pathway to alignment and connection.
Key Insights for Long-Term Relationships
• Replace “I” with “we.” In relationships, it’s important to communicate what works best for both of you. Shifting from individual perspectives to shared ones fosters partnership.
• Acceptance is key. Staying in a long-term relationship means embracing your partner as they are. Differences can be celebrated rather than resisted.
• Yelling won’t help. Clear, calm communication is far more effective than raising your voice.
Final Thoughts on Boundaries and Healing
Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about applying truth consistently, choosing healthy actions, and rewriting the story of how we move forward. Relationships require effort, patience, and a willingness to learn. As we set boundaries, embrace differences, and heal, we create the space for meaningful, lasting connection.
For anyone looking to deepen their understanding of boundaries, relationships, and mental wellness, I highly recommend Nedra Tawwab’s book.
What stood out to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment below!